


It's the end of the world as we know it

by SignsTimeMemory



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 4x12 - Freeform, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, a bit of angst, blake siblings, love those two, referenced past suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-10-31 12:49:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10899684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignsTimeMemory/pseuds/SignsTimeMemory
Summary: The Blake siblings,finally reunited,share a moment before the lottery and a little talk over the past months spent far from each other.





	It's the end of the world as we know it

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of pre-ep 12,cause I m going nuts,and I needed to write something about those two,as I love their relationship,and O is my favorite character.  
> As you'll gather up from it,yes I m still mourning Lincoln just like Octavia. And I d like to use this space to say goodbye to another character who always got my attention,for good and for bad.  
> May we meet again,Jasper.

In the great scheme of things,she knew it would've soon felt the way it was.She was about to lose the only world she had ever known for real,with it's ups and downs,and rules,and traditions. Octavia sat outside of the main office as the lottery was about to begin. She had done all she could to give a chance to as many people as possible,but once again she couldn't get through the sting of not being trusted.She had thought that for once they could've believed in her,but once she went there the feeling of being unworthy and unlovable would come back to the surface.In her mind,deep inside,now she knew the people she loved,actually loved her back,but the darkness was always there,clawing at her,threatening to bring her back to places which couldn't be described.This time,however,this time it wouldn't work.Just a few hours prior everything they had wanted had come true,she had found a purpose.

Whatever was above them was withering away,struggling to survive.

People who had taken the greatest sacrifice.

A nature which had made her feel more at home than the little box she had grown up into.

She dreamed eyes open with the memory of being the first to step on earth after 97 years.

Octavia had vowed herself to not fall apart,but she needed a moment,at least one,to grieve the people who wouldn't have been there,and all the places that in 13 hours would've been nothing but a pile of ashes and smoke.

So she stood up,and bent upon the railing.

In a few hours the dropship wouldn't have existed anymore. The place where she had found friends,and where her man had kissed her for the first time....

The villages,the entire Polis,the places they had been at...

All to be gone in a few hours.

The only things she had left of Lincoln,his cave,Helios,her good and trustworthy horse,would be wiped out,just like all the things drawn in his book.

"Are you ok?"

The warrior turned to look at her brother as he leaned on the railing in front of him as well.

"It can't be good if the world is ending,Bell".

He looked down at the people gathering for the lottery. Stupid question.

"You did the best you could've with what you had"

"I could've surely used some more trust from somebody's part".

It still made her bitter that once more as much as she had tried,they hadn't given her a chance to prove herself.

Bellamy fell silent.As much as he could've tried to understand what Clarke had done,truth was he couldn't relate much anymore. He had learned that sometimes the best thing to do was to let go of people,to let them make their choices.He had learned it the hard way. He had almost lost his sister because of this.And he knew that freedom of choice was the reason why kids he had known back on the Ark or who had been part of the original 100,above all Jasper,were lying inside of the Ark,never to stand up for themselves again. He had known there was no turning back for them when they chose DNR.

Bellamy knew now that letting go was hard,but sometimes necessary.

"Thanks,for believing in me,anyway"

It was not that often,in true Blake style nowadays at least,that either of them would speak out loud about such things. There had been a time in which it had been easier,to say "I love you back",to start it,but she couldn't have dared to say. She was glad to be with her brother again,but it felt like an invitation for more pain...none of their plans of being together had ever worked out. Something was bound to screw up the silence pre lottery which was permeating the place,and the warrior knew it didn't just depend on the lottery itself,something else was gonna happen..she was sure.

In the last month they had been walking separate roads,running parallel without ever meeting,slipping through each other's fingers,but doing other things away from each other had paid off.

It was the end of the world,and they were spending it together,as for that moment at least.

He knew there was much more to those shining eyes.There was a loss,and a longing for something she couldn't have had anymore. He wished he could've told her it could get easier,because Octavia seemed to have finally found some peace,or semblance of it,but that would've only seemed to diminish her pain.It hadn't surely been like that for Jasper.

As much as he could've tried,as much as he had cared for Gina,he could see the difference.Lincoln had been the one.

Bellamy turned around,and spun her slightly to hug her,for the second time since he had opened that door,and realized he could still show her she wasn't ever supposed to punish herself for what had happened,ever again.

His sister needed to know how much of a gift she had been to the people who loved her,and for that to happen she needed to let go of the insane idea that nobody cared for her. He had been at fault,and her blame towards him had been well addressed,and he would've been willing to accept being hated for as long as he had gotten to keep his life,if it had meant she wouldn't blame herself for something she hadn't been in control of. If it had meant not having to watch her destroy herself into non-existence.

"I wanted you to be there,you know?I hated you,and no matter what I still loved you,big brother."

She could've never dared to kill her brother.First because he had always been there for her,second because she hadn't been able to stop loving him,and last because she had felt like the Bellamy she had loved had been buried under layers of a man she knew nothing of.

Death had turned life upside down. Death had become life,and so Skyripa had been born. They may call her reckless,but she had had no will to harm people,she would never take it all out on those who had nothing to do with endangering the precarious situations she had been part of.

Octavia didn't voice the fact that more than once she had considered death. She made no word,as much as she could've wanted,of that crazy night at the cave,where the need to feel had taken over the want to live;nor reminded him of the fact that as much as she had been afraid of screwing up that conclave,death hadn't been an issue.

When he had shown her love,when she had heard those words,however,every desire to blame had slipped from her.She had needed to forgive him,in order to forgive herself,and try to deal with the pain without the weight of blame to bear as well.

She had told him,dying wouldn't have been the end for her. Having to live half alive,feeling like she was always gonna be missing something,that was the true trouble. That was something she would've never gotten used to,no matter time or their love for her,or bravery.

"You had the right to be angry at me. I was never gone,but we needed time to understand what our lives had turned into"

She knew what he meant.

She had longed to find a way to be able to forgive her brother,but first she had had to find a way to save herself,and what was left of her soul and broken heart.Octavia had turned that pain into a long and straining,exhausting war to live instead of surviving,or just existing.

Deep inside he had never meant to,but he had still handed Pike those weapons over.

It still had taken her more than will to try doing the simplest things without dying at the memories linked to them.

Bellamy had still somehow helped that scum,when he shouldn't have.

But Octavia didn't want to survive,she wanted to live.She had just as much longed to find a way to wake up in the morning like somebody hadn't put a sword through her heart,and a bullet in her brain,usually the same one which had killed Lincoln.

There was a time the only thing she had wished for was a painful death,and yet right now she was willing to carry on with her painful life. As long as she had gotten to keep him by her side.

She wanted Bellamy by her once more,to give her another good reason to feel. He was the first person who had taught her life was a precious gift,he had hidden her and if he hadn't she would've never seen earth;she could've never found out there was an home for her too.

Her thoughts had waltzed between fighting to keep the seems of the world she lived in and she had control of,safe;and letting go because she was incapable of feeling anything anymore besides an endless void. Death had cheated on her so many times that she had chosen to end it on her own terms,possibly feeling as much pain as she could've..and just like any other time something or rather somebody had screwed it up. The warrior had lost count of the many faces of death she had met,that it had become an habit to just wait patiently for it. Any fear she might have possessed of it had disappeared between becoming a warrior and losing her lover.

For all it mattered just a few hours ago,Indra,had given her a reason to walk on. A woman who had quickly become like a mother to her,had promised she would've always had an home with her. And now she knew what Bellamy meant when he said he would've always been there for her too.

For all it mattered,Bellamy and Kane had finally realized that being a warrior was who she was,and had always been,just for the simple fact she had defied any rule by being born.

For all it mattered,a good friend had also been the first to make her understand death was not the solution. Octavia knew she felt sorry...she had cared for him somehow,but she could've never loved him the way he wanted to be loved.

That sort of love was only meant for Lincoln.

And he was scattered in a wind she would've never been able to feel on her face for a long time from now on.

By the time she had been back on the surface,the wind would've never been the same again.

It was the end of the world as they knew it.

Sky was falling above them,just like they had fallen from it in a time which felt like another life at that point.

Earth would be on fire,and for once it wouldn't be because of horses riding and swords clashing.

Bellamy was hugging her as if he were leaving again. Octavia was sure of that.


End file.
